Will Tuchel End Almost 60 Years Of F**k All?

Earlier on this evening those know-it-alls at Sky Sports News announced that the currently unemployed German football manager, Thomas Tuchel, would be taking over as the new boss of our National Team.

Tuchel demonstrates the amount of time it took him to say 'Yes' to the FA

Tuchel will become only the third non-Englishman to hold this position following the recently deceased Swede Sven Goran Eriksson and the Italian Fabio Capello. 

Since the last trophy success in 1966 (you may have heard about it) the appointments the FA have made have encompassed all sorts of managers. From the flamboyant Kevin Keegan to the undertaker, sorry caretaker Howard Wilkinson. From the highly talented player turned coach Glenn Hoddle to 'The Wally With The Brolly' Steve McClaren.

You'd think he'd look happy, seeing that Croatia side in full flow.

Eventually after Sam Allardyce's big mouth got him in to trouble, the FA turned to their Under-21 coach Gareth Southgate to take over temporarily. This was met with pretty much a national 'Meh' as despite having a good record with the younger England players, Southgate's last managerial role had ended when he was sacked by Middlesborough.

Gareth gets excited at the 2018 World Cup

Southgate successfully guided the side through qualification for the 2018 World Cup and was rewarded with a permanent contract. When the World Cup came around the team progressed to the semi-final, losing eventually to Croatia. The run included actually winning a penalty shoot out against Columbia.

During this period it became apparent that something had changed with the national side. Southgate came across as modern in his outlook off the pitch. He, and his players, were happy to talk about societal issues such as racism and children going to school hungry. This of course upset all the usual suspects, who strangely seemed happy to jump on the bandwagon two years later when Southgate's England beat Germany 2-0 in the quarter final of Euro 2020.

After Denmark were despatched 2-1 in the semi final England appeared in their first major final since you know when against Italy at Wembley. Unlikely as it seems, full back Luke Shaw put England one nil up with an early goal. It looked like it was happening but of course it wasn't with Italy eventually winning the trophy on penalties.

England were eliminated at the quarter final stage at the 2022 World Cup by the holders France and as well as Southgate himself expressing doubts about carrying on, some fans had got to the 'he's taken us as far as he can' stage. This in all was a fair reflection of how things felt.

Despite the doubters, Southgate again took England to the final of a major competition. This time it was different though. The football had not been good. Too defensive, not adventurous enough, especially given the attacking players at his disposal. They'd fallen behind in the semi-final against the Dutch but Ollie Watkins replaced the again ineffective Harry Kane and thumped in the winner.

Unfortunately, again the team couldn't quite get over the line, losing 2-1 to Spain. As a Spurs fan, I'm used to this constant disappointment but to supporters of most other clubs this failure at the final hurdle had to be the final straw. Southgate resigned in mid July.

Hoping to repeat the relative success of appointing the Under-21 manager, the FA appointed the Under-21 manager Lee Carsley on a temporary basis (stop me if you've heard this before) for the Nations League Autumn programme. 

"I just can't understand how playing five forwards and only one in midfield hasn't worked"

Things were going OKish until last week when England lost 2-1 at home to Greece. Carsley's 'experimental' line up, with the emphasis on 'mental', didn't work and in all honesty we could have lost by five or six. 

So even though we subsequently beat Finland 3-1 on Sunday, the FA have decided its not gonna be Lee but Thomas Tuchel that will take England hopefully onto the 2026 World Cup and beyond.

Tuchel is definately a ticket holder on what I like to call the Top Manager Merry-Go-Round. The first qualification is that you have to have both won something for and been sacked by Chelsea. He managed three trophies there in his twenty month tenure, including the Champions League. Other ticket holders would be Ancelotti, Mourinho & Conte. The kind of coaches who will be linked with or actually manage Bayern, Barca, Real Madrid, PSG, both Milan Clubs, Manchester United and Dortmund. 

In this sense the FA are lucky to get him. Under normal circumstances after leaving Bayern Munich after a trophyless season he'd have just walked into one of those other clubs. Or even somewhere like Spurs if he, and they, were desperate enough at the time (see A.Conte).

However, its half way through October and there doesn't seem to be any potential to make any of those moves so its understandable he'd fancy the England job. On the face of it, when you see the players he'll have at his disposal and the current FIFA ranking of fourth in the World its an easy decision.

Unfortunately the weight of history is against him. He's a very confident and very competent coach with an excellent record. He has the experience to deal with the English media and their 'divine right to win because we invented the game you know' attitude. Whilst in England he fell out spectacularly with Antonio Conte which is a plus in my book. Of course all this may not be enough. Thanks to Southgate the supporters and media are at the least expecting to get to the very latter stages of tournaments and a certain percentage think we should be winning them all. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed because if a coach of the quality of Tuchel fails badly I really don't know where England can go next.